Showing posts with label tables. Show all posts
Showing posts with label tables. Show all posts

Secret Jackalope 2022

 
I signed up for the Secret Jackalope over on the OSR discord server this year, and was paired up with Azaz from RPG Toolbox, who wanted "A village secrets table -- who hates whom, who's sleeping with someone's wife etc". So, below is just that, a table of secrets. And, because they've been (I assume) very good this financial quarter, I've also thrown in rumors. Ho Ho Ha. 

Village Secrets and Rumors 
  1. Mrs Thelch once described Mme Aelfwear's honeycomb biscuits as "Fine. Maybe a little dry?" while at a harvest festival, in front of everyone. Madam Aelfwear has sworn a blood oath of revenge. 
  2. There's much speculation behind the arcane symbols that appear in the wheat fields from time to time: from their meaning to their sources. Truth be told, it's just the Gerrenth brothers, youths of 15, sneaking out at night and pressing shapes into the fields. 
  3. Reverend Father Rickbranch, in the light of day, is a devote subject of the local, well loved good aligned deity. By the light of the moon, however, he willingly serves Katheres, the Black Goat with One Thousand Eyes, the Chewer of the Cud That Will Flood the World, Bleater of the Final Song. 
  4. Ichabod Slatewater served in the King's War in his youth. He doesn't speak about his service, or the strange spider idol he brought back and has kept hidden all these years. He doesn't speak about it, but he does speak to it. 
  5. Magrit Saurglem, the elderly midwife who has served the village for decades, remembers each and every one of the townsfolk who were born with tails. 
  6. The Duskhorn family were once a proud witch hunters, who retired after a large and successful local campaign. There were, of course, no witches and the family was just blaming innocent people to buy up the confiscated farmland for cheap. 
  7. Mr and Mrs Coldforge have been the ones leaving baskets of food and supplies on the doorsteps of their less fortunate neighbors at night. 
  8. Mr and Mrs Coldforge have been the ones murdering vagrants on nights of the full moon.
  9. The Gerrenth brothers were seen stumbling the roads drunk, near the Duskhorn farms, the night Reverend Father Rickbranch is said to have reported terrible nightmares. 
  10. The mines just outside of town are said to be haunted by the ghosts of the miners who's lives were lost deep within the earth after a cave in. This is a lie. One that was started by a local social group, so they could set up a place to hide from their spouses for a bit. 
  11. Douglas Fir, the tavern keeper, has been watering down his ale's for years. The bastard. 
  12. Most of the stray cats in the town disappeared right around the time when the "strange" family moved in. Nothing happened to them, all the cats are fine and safe, and they all finally carried out their long planned relocation to the Dream City of Ur. The timing was just really coincidental. 
  13. Mr. Mathers is sleeping with Mrs. Weathers. And Mr. Weathers. Mrs. Mathers is also sleeping with both of the Weatherses. None of the spouses knows of their own spouses "rendezvous." 
  14. Rumor has it that there's a trove of silver buried in a fake grave within the village cemetery. This is nonsense. It's electrum. 
  15. Some will tell you "the owls are not what they seem." This is false, they are exactly what they seem: haughty assholes with nocturnal divination abilities. 
  16. The crops only grow because the Coldforges remember what Vazell, Goddess of the Bloody Fields demands. 
  17. The town's water supply tastes rather funny, and not for the high sulfur content of the ground as an "expert" suggest. Rather, the BIG STOMPa and his goblins have moved into the town well. The expert knows this, but he's just 3 goblins in a jerkin. 
  18. If you give a special knock on the back door of the Apothecary shop, they'll sell you a recreational tincture. It's brewed from the Cud of Katheres. 
  19. The Duskhorn family, famous witch hunters, have all been witches for several years now. Who have they been hunting? Not witches. 
  20. Most of the recent vagrants lately, have been werewolves, summoned there by Madam Aelfwear. 
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1d30 for Izzy


Good grief, the new blogger interface is trifling and powerfully ugly. Looks like publication scheduling ain't working well either? 

Anyway, a stretch of writer's block hit and to get through it I gave a general call for random tables. Turns out my buddy Izzy needed some random encounters. I think he's using Pathfinder, but I ain't certain, nor did I take any measures to find out. 

1d30 Random Encounters for Izzy


1. A bear, porcupine, and a raccoon sit around a campfire. A barrel of booze is near by. They are not magical, can not talk nor have the means to make a fire. They will defend the booze.
 
2. A mostly naked wizard is in full swing of a mushroom trip. It may not be going well. Whenever they speak mutated spells ooze out of their head applying themselves upon the world. If killed in this state, a spellscar will be left on reality here.
 
3. The PCs come across a looter stripping corpses of their gear. If examined, the corpses are of the PCs, though the looter will not acknowledge this. 
 
4. A bricked pit full of blood, encircled by mark-less corpses. Neither wind nor animals stir in this location. Should the PCs leave and come back, the pit will be gone. Possible to be encountered elsewhere.
 
5. An ordinary chest full of gems. Nothing out of the ordinary here. Certainly not a pregnant mimic full of eggs. Nope. 
 
6. A water elemental is stuck in an almost dry stream bed. It's sad, lonely, and can't find it's way back to the ocean. 
 
7. A forest witch has passed out in her stream hovel, deep in her drunken sleep. A mysterious potion bubbles in a cauldron and several bottles chill in the stream. Her skeleton fox familiar guards them from inside the stream. 
 
8. A beautiful figure bathes in a stream waterfall. They wave the PCs over to join them. Should the PCs decide to get close, they'll soon learn what lingual luring is as the colossal alligator snapping turtle currently hiding behind the waterfall tries to eat them. 
 
9. Orc bootleggers speed down the trail on strange Gerry rigged iron wagons belching black smoke, fueled by the very shine they sell. They'll sell ya some (meth too) if you prove y'aint constables. If they smell law on ya though, they'll start slinging bombs.
 
10. A meteor has crashed to earth. From out of the smoking crater, biomechanicals have emerged and begun to harvest the surrounding area,  and spreading their biomechanical infection to the wildlife. 
 
11. 8 floating psionic octopi carrying alien instruments of brutality. A vanguard for a larger army! The war for the surface has begun!
 
12. Worker fairies from a nearby hive are unionizing. They'll need a third-partyto deliver their demands to the Queen.
 
13. A large golem (goes by Hank) waits patiently in the woods, adorned in a multitude of runes of explosion. He insists on calling the PCs his "owners" (finders keepers) and further insists that the PCs order him to explode. Turns out Hank is a mine golem from some long and forgotten magic war, and his only purpose for existing is to explode. He wants to do it soooooo bad. Won't you help him? (Destroys entire hex if exploded. No saves.)
 
14. A young lady is weeping over a pig. Her brother/sister has been transformed into swine, and only a stranger's kiss can revert them back. Unfortunately, the young lady is just a liar and a pervert.
 
15. A young lady is weeping over a pig. Her brother/sister has been transformed into swine, and only a stranger's kiss can revert them back. Unfortunately, it's a transitive curse, and will change the kisser into a pig while freeing the original victim.
 
16. Bear beer wizard. Will trade mead for wizard teeth.
 
17. Necro-jellies have got in the go'dang Potter's field again! Stop 'em be-fer they get to gran'pappy's still!
 
18. What if Gorcrows, but with Hobbits?
 
19. You meet an average enough looking fella. He doesn't blink and is too wet. He's accompanied by a boiling kettle, but no heat source. He'll offer the PCs a longer life and better healing, in exchange for something. Should the PCs accept, well then, welcome your new body mate! You now have a fun, new parasite taking care of your body to feast on your spirit. It's possibly an aboleth. +1 healing per round. Roll new mental states and take the averageof the two sets as your conscience melds. 
 
20. Did you know there's an elemental plane of spiders? You do now, thanks to a drunk summoner ripping a hole in reality. Enjoy.
 
21. Symbiote Jellies are overwhelming and bounding to a Forest Giant. 
 
22. "Lycanthropy" is a template you can apply. Apply it to a centaur tribe and enjoy the half-man, half-horse, half-wolf experience. Wait...it'd be full man, wouldn't it?
 
23. A will o' wisp and a leucrocuta begin vying for the PCs attention, leading them in different directions. Turns out the creatures have a little bet going, and both will lead the PCs to certain danger. 
 
24. What if Hydras, but with Hobbits?
 
25. A Lantern Archon has fallen in love with a normal lantern. It wants the PCs to set it up on a date, and insists they help it go off without a hitch. I ain't never seen a lovelorn Archon, but I'm guessing it ain't pretty. 
 
26. A small camp of Orcs are fermenting and distilling Gray Ooze. It smells horrible, but get's ya drunk!
 
27. What if a Rat King, but with Hobbits?
 
28. A ghost inside of a skeleton inside of a zombie inside of a iron golem (looks like plate armor) 
 
29. A group of Cyclopes are playing a version of lawn darts. There have been and will be casualties. 
 
30. Cosmic radioactive moon apes. 
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1d21 Hangover table


Why 1d21? I don't know. Maybe you're using those weird Zocchi dice. Maybe you're using a tarot deck for your homebrew heartbreaker where the GM uses the Major Arcana to determine the outcome. Ho ho ho, what a strangely specific example.

Either way, sometimes you go carousing, and sometimes it goes wrong; or at least, not according to plan.

Hangover Table
Sure, you've got a hangover, but what else?

Anything in brackets [] refers to the top card of the discard pile. 
  1. You awaken with a salty and bitter taste in your mouth, and [value] new silver coins in your pocket. 
  2. You awaken in the stocks, having been left there to sober up. A little bruised, but no worse for wear. 
  3. A cow bell has been hung around your neck by a steel chain. The chain is too small to remove over your head, and you don't have the key to the lock. 
  4. You awaken with a marriage ring on your finger, but no memory of who you married. 
  5. You awaken in a strange room, with heavy pounding on the door. The people on the other side are very angrily demanding their money back. 
  6. You awaken with a marriage ring on a finger. The finger isn't yours. 
  7. Luckily, it only burns when you pass water. 
  8. You awaken with a new tattoo on your: [swords] arm; [pentacles] leg; [cups] backside; [wands] face. It is [1-2] pretty sweet; [3-8] cringe and misspelled; [9-King] horribly offensive.
  9. A letter is delivered to your room. It's from a local aristocrat and they have accepted your invitation to a duel. It is in [value] days. 
  10. You don't remember exactly what you did, but by the Wanted posters lining the streets, you can guess it wasn't good. [swords] armed robbery; [pentacles] attempted pick pocketing; [cups] lewd acts; [wands] consorting with dark entities 
  11. You back your way out of a blackout at the same time you're being dragged off a cart. "And stay out!" yell the guardsmen as they throw you out of the city. You are banned. 
  12. You awaken in the muck of the Moat, wearing only your small clothes. All the other items you had on you are missing as well. 
  13. You find in your pouch an invoice: "Sold: One (1) soul for one (1) beer." Your signature and an infernal symbol seal the contract. 
  14. You awaken to the sounds of sobbing. There seems to be a nobleman hogtied and gagged on your floor. How strange. 
  15. You awaken in an alley. [value] hobos around you seem to be wearing articles of your clothing/armor. But, you're wearing theirs, so, even trade? 
  16. Why are you naked and wearing a fake bull's head? Why are you in a fine porcelain plate shop? Why does this shop have nothing but broken plates and smashed glass? Why are the shop keeper and constables so angry and yelling? Some things in life are mysteries. 
  17. You back your way out of a blackout wrapped in warm snuggly robe standing in a candle lit room. It's nice. "The dark pact is complete," a deep baritone voice says, "Go forth, my brothers, and see that our lord's will be done." ...Wait, what?
  18. You awaken next to a [even] High Priest [odd] High Priestess. They thank you for helping them break their vows, and showing them what it means to be happy.
  19. Where the hells is your hand? Why can you feel it crawling?
  20. You remember agreeing to a dare. It had something to do with a candle and flatulence. [swords] a city location is burnt down [pentacles] 3 adjacent locations are burnt down [cups] a city district is burnt down [wands] As cups and fire spirit is roaming the City, and the Wizards are pissed. 
  21. Did you always have those circular puncture marks on your neck? I'm sure it'll be fiiiiiine. 
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1d100 Failed Cyberpunk Careers

What follows is a list of 1d100 failed careers. It's intended for GLoG.dat usage, but I suppose any weird cyberpunk setting would work for it. Per standard GLoG rules, on the left is your old career, which starts as a level 1 skill, and on the right is the item you managed to walk off with as you left your old job.

Special thanks to Josh at Rise Up, Comis, and Mr. Hughes, cyberpunk guidance counselor at Android High School for helping me in rounding out the list.

CareerStarting Item
1Algae Cuisine Chef3 cudes of dehydrated food grade algae
2Algae Tank Sluice OperatorWaist-high wellies
3Android repair manElectronic repair kit
4Android-Pop star managerEarplugs
5Apocalyptic street preacherHollowed out bible
6Art DealerAI made collage box
7Asteroid minerFrequency resonator
8Astrodock laborerMagnetic boots
9BartenderExpensive bottle of top-shelf hooch
10BiochemistVial of hormones
11Black marketeer of SQUID discs3 recorded SQUID discs
12Bootleg Animal DealerA small, living (but artificial) animal
13Buddhist monkBegging bowl
14BureaucratBulletproof clipboard
15Calorie manHand crank generator
16Cashier at opium den fast food restaurant3 doses of opium
17Chatbot BackendList of chatbot system passwords
18Cheetah Blood DrainerCollar with Tap
19CIA InformantBag of drugs
20Cirque de Solei performer50ft of silk
21Clone DecanterSqueegee, rubber gloves
22Corporate DroneID Card; Stapler
23Corporate GeomancerGeomancy tool
24CosmonautTattoos of Lennon and Putin over heart; Old space suit
25CounterfeiterFake Traveling papers or license
26CourierMysterious package
27Cyber Zen GuruRecurrent wired vizzy
28Data CourierCranium drive augment
29Data Security2 casettes
30DeforesterChainsaw
31DIY PharmacistVial of strange drugs
32Drug MuleBag of drugs
33Environmental ministry inspectorBreathing mask
34Experimental MoonshinerJar of high proof alcohol
35Feng Shui ConsultantFeng Shui compass
36Forklift Mech Construction WorkerHard hat
37Furry CultAnimal canine teeth implants (1d6 bite attack)
38Gene-ripper2 doses of CustomGenes(tm)
39Genetically-modified cat exterminatorHiku brand cat-trap, slightly stained
40Genetically-modified elephant handlerPain inducer remote and collar
41GunsmithWeapon repair kit
42Handsome Weeping Boy (Ikemeso Danshi)Fine silk suit
43Hemp FarmerBag of marijuana
44Hinterland SurrogateBag of drugs
45Hologram ArtistStereoconversion goggles
46Horse HistorianBag of horse bones
47HyperPolo PlayerPolo Motorcycle
48Implant repoDissection kit
49J-Pop star BodyguardEarplugs
50JailbreakerElectronics repair kit
51Jeffrey's Tube EngineerMechanics tool kit
52KGB Operative1 dose of poison with umbrella for delivery, tattoo of Lennon and Putin
53LocksmithLockpicks
54Lunar MinerLunar pickax
55MachinistTool kit
56Mafia Family MemberPasscard to a penthouse
57Mall SantaWine stained fake beard
58Merchant marineShipping Charts
59Meth cookBag of drugs
60Muay thai competitorGlass laced knuckle-wraps
61Nail salon slavePain inducer remote and collar
62Nuclear Physicist Slightly glowing rod
63Oil Rig WorkerHard hat
64Organ HarvesterDissection kit
65Organ IncubatorOne extra organ of your choice
66Orphan catcherHand cuffs
67PanzerboyIgnition key to a burnt-out tank somewhere
68ParamedicFirst aid kit
69Parkour CompetitorClimbing gloves
70Patent Classifier-1 will to live; 3 stolen patent data discs
71PimpLittle black book
72Pizza DeliveryShitty car
73PornographerHolodisk of Android pornography
74Professional ApologiserAuto-Tear-duct augment
75Prostitute (the oldest profession)Disease resistant patches
76Ramen Cook3 packs of expensive ramen
77Rastafarian Bag of weed
78Renraku prostituteStill installed "cutout switch"
79Rent-a-copSecurity uniform
80Rickshaw DriverRickshaw
81Ringleader for traveling Android CircusTop hat with PA system
82Rock StarElectronic instrument
83Salary manCorporate hand book (full of oaths, company songs, and standard practices)
84security consultantRemote motion sensor
85SimLife starSense-record unit
86SimLife star impersonatorFake sense-record unit
87Smack supplier for dolphinsHeroin kit (drug, lighter, spoon, needle)
88Solar balloon squatterElectronic repair kit
89SQUID recorderSQUID magnetometer
90Street surgeonBottle of high proof alcohol
91Student3 textbooks; crippling debt
92Surrogate mother to clone babiesThird breast augmentation
93TacoCopter SpecialistMini UAV
94Tong enforcerChinese cigarettes, length of chain
95Trade magnateMysterious package
96Transit system workerLifetime pass
97Visigoth gang memberFine Gothic clothing
98Yakuza enforcer-1 pinky finger; body tattoo; Fashionable clothes
99Yoga Instructor to the StarsDisc full of celebraty secrets
100Zef RapperFine Silk boxers, Zef Curse
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