Truly, the hero we deserve.
And really though, why elves? Why? They've all benefits and no downside. Unaging, walking on snow, seeing things perfectly, hanging out with gods when they get bored of not having to do anything for a living. Besides their ability to be killed by sadness and their apparent lust for dwarves, what faults have they? None. How interesting is that? It ain't. What do they know about the human condition? Nothing.
I say get rid of them. And, as a replacement, I offer:
The Woodwose
The Woodwose are mortal creatures of the Forests, rather than City or Stone. Given years limited just as the humans and dwarves, though shorter by far (forty years at best), they do not fill their days with the hassles of government or apprenticeship. They instead fill their days with song and drink. And fornication. So much fornication. Where the other mortals sport on football, stickball, or some dwarf game (probably involves drinking and headbutting), the Woodwose so sport with seduction.
As with the other two mortal races, there are various types of Woodwose, the two predominant sort being the Bush and Deep Woodwose
Bush Woodwose
The Bush Woodwose, sometimes called Fauns, live the closest to other civilizations. Appearing as half men (and women), half goat creatures, Fauns stand roughly five and a half feet tall. While goat horns are the norm, individuals with deer antlers are not unheard of and are almost always a natural at magical arts. As quick with a song as they are climbing cliffs, it is said the Bush Woodwose gave the gift of music to humans, who, in return, tried to offer the strange concept of clothing. While they do not prefer it, Bush Woodwose will often dawn the strange woven fabric when in mixed company, as humans are cursed by modesty. They're largely against anything heavier than leather armor.
- Charisma stat must be higher than strength. They are known for their charms, but not their physical prowess
- (or +2 charisma, -2 strength for d20 system)
- Bush Woodwose are known to help travelers lost on the road. Any Faun with Wis 13+ instinctively know which way is North.
- Probably got some bonus to climbing cliffs, what with the goat hooves. Get a minus when trying to sneak on stone though. You also lose the ability to wear boots.
Drink Booze, Play Pipes
Deep Woodwose, are Satyrs, live the farthest from the other civilizations, deep in the mysterious places of the forests. Usually standing six foot even, the Deep Woodwose tend to be more bestial in their appearance. Further, they tend to be more in touch with nature and the secrets of the world than their Faun cousins, giving to pursuit of knowledge rather than drinking and song, privy to secrets whispered on the forest breeze or gleaned from the depths of arboreal ponds. However, like their cousins they aren't prone to clothing, but do wear armor of living wood (or perhaps they're partly wood), carved in intricate patterns.
- Wisdom must be higher than strength. Deep Woodwoses are known for their council, but not feats of strength.
- (+2 wisdom, -2 strength)
- Once per day, while gazing into at least a gallon of fresh, clean water, Deep Woodwose may ask questions up to their Wisdom in word length
- example: a Wisdom 12 Satyr can ask 3 four word questions; 4, three word questions; 2 six word questions; 12 one word questions, etc. per day
- Their armor will repair itself, if left half planted in fertile soil
- Can't climb as well as Fauns, as their hooves tend to be bigger, but still have trouble when stealthing on stone. You also can't wear boots. Clop clop, motherfucker.
- Take extra damage from oxidized iron.
OBVIOUSLY, this is what I was picturing
Religion
While the Woodwose acknowledge gods, they don't tend to worship them as the other races do. For the most part, with such limited years, and so much to drink, they just can't seem to spare the time. The closest approximation to the Woodwose religion would be nature worshipping.Gender for the gods is meaningless, and not entirely correct, but for the ease of typing out this dang thing, they're referred to by the form they usually take.
Talamh, the Sleeping Earth
The Father who gave life to all things, He sleeps eternal, his work completed. Occasionally he stirs, troubled by dreams, creating earthquakes. His blood is lava, his bones minerals.
Sruth, the Exploring River
The Mother who gave life to all things, She embraces her husband, soothing his wounds and comforting his sleep. The babbling of water is her loving whispers.
Speir, the Everwatching Sky
Servant of the Mother and Father, He watches over their creations. He provides sun when growing is needed, and rain when they grow thirsty. The wind is his voice, providing secrets to those who know how to listen.
Doitean, the Tricking Fire
The Lover who is jealous of the Talamh, for He could never have the attention or affection of Sruth. He waits, plotting, and has given his secrets to men, who unknowing serve in his works. Often he strikes out against Cran, who he sees as the product of a love he could never know.
Cran, the Shepard of Trees
The Child of Talamh and Sruth, They tend to the Trees that give shelter, food and material to all things. They're closest to the Woodwose, and often provide gifts to the Wood Folk. The Birds and Bees are They're servants, taking care of minor tasks.
Yonny Fawn
Not really a god of the Woodwose, but rather a celebrated traveler who long ago visited the Wood Folk bringing hordes of stories and song still sung by the Woodwose to this day. Also called the Apple Bringer, he brought with him apples, and taught them how to get juice from the fruit, which then became cider.
Society
Woodwose society is loosely organized at best. While they don't form structured governments, whoever is fermenting the strongest brew at the time can usually get their way for a spell. Of course, payment will be expected in the form of a jug or two of the product.Agriculture is light and largely consists of grapevines and small patches of wheat, malt and barley grouped off in the woods. Some orchards are also kept, for the fruit squeezings. Animal handling is limited to bee keeping and deer or boar hording, though they're not above hunting. In fact, next to seduction and drinking, the Woodwose love hunting.
Kids (baby Woodwose) grow like weeds, coming to adulthood within a year. Trials of Adulthood involve, believe it or not, the fermentation of the Youngling's first batch of their own drink. The Youngling is expected to ask Adults for help, and the Adults, more often than not, are all too happy to help. Once aged, the drink is shared in celebration with the Tribe (for lack of a better word), welcoming the new Adult into adulthood. This night is also the beginning of the new Adult's career of seduction.
While clothing is rare, body painting and horn jewelry is common in both male and females. Often the paintings are of symbolic patterns telling stories, or deeds done. Sometimes, they're just pretty patterns. Jewelry for Fauns tends to come from the closest civilizations, while Satyrs tend to wear feathers and bones of woodland animals.
Should danger come to the Tribe, all Adults are expected, and are well able to, defend their home.
The Woodwose typically live only forty years, given survival of the dangers of life. Funerals are held around a pyre holding the body, and consist of a huge party celebrating the Fallen's life. Songs are sung and stories are told about the Life. If possible, portions of the dead's Trail of Adulthood drink are shared. As the sun crosses the horizon, the pyre is lit, and the dead is shown off to the Fields of Leisure with a ritualistic dance.
No comments:
Post a Comment