Cardinal Goons

 The Pope is dead, again, and the leader of the capitalist world is proposing the dumbest thing ever, again, and now his mega rich followers have gone to the Vatican to combine the two situations. I needn't tell you how these people's messiah would whip the shit out of them with a whip of his own braiding. They lack self awareness and the critical thinking to realize this, however.

But, now a game of how Cardinals become Popes. Strangely it doesn't involve shedding skin during metamorphosis.

Cardinal Goons

The Gist

Six candidate Cardinals must delve into the catacombs of Vatican City. There, they will face unknown and terrifying challenges; tests to ensure their Devotion, Piety, and Infallibility. They must delve deep and retrieve the triregnum, to return with it and sit upon the Cathedra. 

But be warned: The throne only seats one. 

(You know Tunnel Goons? It's that, but with select cardinals. The majority is rehashed here for convenience.)  

Action Rolls

When the outcome of an action is uncertain, roll 2d6 + ability + 1/relevant item. If the result is equal to or greater than the assigned Difficult Score (DS), then it is a success. If the action is potentially dangerous (ie. attacking a roaming Head of John the Baptist), then the difference in the resulting roll and the DC is the amount of damage done. Basically, if you fail the roll, you take damage equal to the difference. If you succeed, you give the damage. 

Difficulty Score

Easy: 8 | Medium: 10 | Hard: 12

Inventory

The Inventory Score is how many things you can stuff into your adventure sack. Anything over this number causes a -1 to be added to your Pius and Sin rolls. 

Characters come with 3 unique items, but the rest of the pack is yours to fill. Or overfill, even.

Inventory Score starts at 8. 

Heath and Death

Heal starts at 10. When you reach 0, you are dead. 

Regain all Health lost by stopping for a meal of pasta and wine. This takes about 30 minutes.

Advancement

If you’re still playing this for some reason, you advance every 2 game sessions. Raise 1 attribute (below) and choose your Inventory or Health to also increase by 1. 

Attributes

Every character starts off with 0 or more points in the following attributes. 

Pius - Your ability to avoid the devil. Literally dodging away from him.

Devotion - Your dedication to scripture, both the written and spoken word.  

Sin - Your ability to do terrible things. Hitting, stealing, trials of the flesh.

Also, everyone speaks their native language and Latin. 

The Papabili

Cardinal Chook Duggery

_The Tree Hugger_

P 2 | D 1 | S 0

* Habit of Francis of Assisi - Allows for speaking with Animals.

* Corked Galero - Protects against swarms of things. 

* Crozier of Saint Fiarce - Functions as a Staff weapon, but also can cause Grasping Vines to grow (DC 10) 

Cardinal Giuseppe Archette

_The Studious_

P 1 | D 2 | S 0

* Scroll of Saint Floran (DC 10) - Spits a fireball at the target. Consumed on Failure.

* Scroll of Jude Thaddeus (DC 10) - Restores Health. Consumed on Failure.

* Finger Bone of Saint Anthony of Padua - Protects against the Undead as Armor. 1st degree artifact. 

Cardinal Godric Foundling

_The Knight_

P 0 | D 1 | S 2

* Armored Mitre - Dented and bloodied, but it perceivers 

* Sword of Saint Catherine - Yes, that one. 

* Rib Bone of Saint George - Provides divine protection from the knight of knights. 

Cardinal Ignacio Marquez

_The Red_ 

P 1 | D 0 | S 2

* Piano wire reinforced rosary beads

* Dagger (hidden within crucifix) 

* Red silk gloves

Cardinal Jean-Claude Chisanga 

_The Untouchable_

P 2 | D 0 | S 1

* Ankle Bone of Saint Christopher (DC 10) - When set to a trip line, causes an alarm to cry once the line is tripped. 

* Habit of Saint Nicholas Owen (DC 10) - Allows the wearer to appear to be up to five feet from their actual location. Consumed on failure. 

* Sack of Golden Caltrops

Cardinal Lucien De Vos

_The Raven_

P 3 | D 0 | S 0

* Toe Knuckle of Saint Casila - Aids in sneaking. 1st degree artifact.

* Lockpick of Saint Baldomerus - Set of lockpicks used by Baldomerus of Lyons. 2nd degree artifact. 

* Hand of Glory - Unlocks any door. Once. Consumed on use.

Cardinal Seamus O’Brien

_The Lich_ 

P 0 | D 3 | S 0

* Scroll of Saint Rita of Cascia (DC 10) - Raises a servant from a currently unused corpse. Consumed on failure. Fails if a servant currently exists. 

* Blood of Saint Januarius (DC 10) - Allows for the viewing of ghosts. 1st degree artifact. Consumed on failure.

* Thurible (as mace) - Billows sweet smelling smoke as it swings. 

Cardinal Stanislaw Kovacs 

_The Serpent Tongued_

P 0 | D 2 | S 1

* Pickled Tongue of Saint Bartholomew - When placed in the user’s mouth, anything they speak detects as the truth. 

* Scroll of Saint Joseph of Cupertino (DC 10) - Makes the target forget the last few moments. Consumed on failure. 

* Silver snake dagger 

Cardinal Tex Smith

_The American_

P 0 | D 0 | S 3

* Thoughts - Gold plated desert eagle. Twined with Prayers.

* Prayers - Gold plated desert eagle. Twined with Thoughts.

* Plate of Deep Fried Spaghetti (ration)

Doug Nash

_The Lost Tourist_

P 1 | D 1 | S 1

* Cell Phone - No reception

* Sacred Heart of Jesus statue (as Club) - Bought from the gift shop

* Tourist Guide Book - Good for looking things up. 

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