[HMtW] LOOTGRINDER


We've all been there: You're just trying to move on from the recent encounter, direct the PCs somewhere interesting. Meanwhile, your players are trying to strip the set dressing for all the valuables. Just really trying to dig in like the local meth users after the junkyard's catalytic converters.*

"I LOOT THE BODY"
"What's he carrying?" 
"Do I get his stuff?" 
"I'm writing down that I got his stuff"
"So I got his stuff, what about the next guy's stuff?"

God, shut UP, Brandon. Give me time to light a cigarette, you degenerate swine. Finish your beer and let me think. I love them, I do. They're just bad.

I digress. 

The Lootgrinder

In order to stop my players from attempting to search the walls for copper, I've adapted a standard Meatgrinder table of use with Random Loot. The basic idea looks like this: 

CardLoot
I[Resource]
II[Resource]
III[Resource]
IV[Resource]
V[Resource]
VI[Curiosity]
VII[Curiosity]
VIII[Curiosity]
IX[Curiosity]
X[Curiosity]
XI[Treasure]
XII[Treasure]
XIII[Treasure]
XIV[Treasure]
XV[Treasure]
XVI[Treasure]
XVII[Treasure]
XVIII[Treasure]
XIX[Treasure]
XX[Treasure]
XXI[Item Related to Current Quest]

On it, you've got a few different categories that largely speak for themselves. Resources are consumables used to continue exploring the dungeon. Curiosities are not exactly treasure, but random artifacts of the life you just snuffed out. And Treasures are valuables the creature had on it; not major magical artifacts, just valuable things it might have on it. Preferably each Lootgrinder is customized to an area, just like a Meatgrinder.

PCs slay the creature, you draw a card before they can over open their greedy gobs, and tell them what they find. Easy as. Honestly, a Loot table tied to the Minor Arcana so the players can do the work themselves would be ideal, but the chance to finish such a task has not presented itself yet. 

As way of example, here's a table meant for someone you might find in a human settlement. It's a bit bigger, because I've been Overloading my personal tables lately, but it gets the point across.

Loot
CardTypeUprightReversed
I[Resource]A fresh TorchA scorched Torch
II[Resource]3 CandlesFirewood
III[Resource]1 Ration2 Rations
IV[Resource]1 Vial of OilBooze
V[Resource]50' RopeA cracked Lantern
VI[Curiosity]A Smooth Stone with a Thumb HoleA Collection of Teeth
VII[Curiosity]An Armband with a Recent Political SloganOgre Skin Cap
VIII[Curiosity]A Letter between LoversA poorly carved Figurine
IX[Curiosity]A Ring of Random KeysA Tin Cup engraved "Death Before Decaf"
X[Curiosity]A lewd, half completed Flip BookA Supply List
XI[Treasure]A small Ruby (flawed; 25gp)A medium Ruby (flawless; 75gp)
XII[Treasure]Jade Figurine (fine; 150gp)Rare Booze (75gp)
XIII[Treasure]A Jeweled Tiara (300gp)A fist-sized Diamond (actually glass; 20gp)
XIV[Treasure]Pouch of Elven Grass (dank; 420gp)Furzwitze's Pocket Humor Book (3rd printing; 10gp)
XV[Treasure]Pouch of Assorted Gems (various; 250gp)Money Pouch (top discard card*10gp)
XVI[Treasure]Fancy Tobacco Tin (10gp)45 gp
XVII[Treasure]Fresh Socks (priceless)A Golden Chalice (slight dent; 20gp)
XVIII[Treasure]Fancy Dagger with Gilded Handle (50gp)A Silver Locket (15gp)
XIX[Treasure]A Deed to Property in the CityA Fist-sized Orb (flawless; 40gp)
XX[Treasure]100 gp33 gp
XXI[Item Related to Current Quest]

*I don't know who needs to hear this, but data centers are swollen with precious metals 
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