Thursday, January 10, 2019

1d100 Failed Cyberpunk Careers

What follows is a list of 1d100 failed careers. It's intended for GLoG.dat usage, but I suppose any weird cyberpunk setting would work for it. Per standard GLoG rules, on the left is your old career, which starts as a level 1 skill, and on the right is the item you managed to walk off with as you left your old job.

Special thanks to Josh at Rise Up, Comis, and Mr. Hughes, cyberpunk guidance counselor at Android High School for helping me in rounding out the list.

CareerStarting Item
1Algae Cuisine Chef3 cudes of dehydrated food grade algae
2Algae Tank Sluice OperatorWaist-high wellies
3Android repair manElectronic repair kit
4Android-Pop star managerEarplugs
5Apocalyptic street preacherHollowed out bible
6Art DealerAI made collage box
7Asteroid minerFrequency resonator
8Astrodock laborerMagnetic boots
9BartenderExpensive bottle of top-shelf hooch
10BiochemistVial of hormones
11Black marketeer of SQUID discs3 recorded SQUID discs
12Bootleg Animal DealerA small, living (but artificial) animal
13Buddhist monkBegging bowl
14BureaucratBulletproof clipboard
15Calorie manHand crank generator
16Cashier at opium den fast food restaurant3 doses of opium
17Chatbot BackendList of chatbot system passwords
18Cheetah Blood DrainerCollar with Tap
19CIA InformantBag of drugs
20Cirque de Solei performer50ft of silk
21Clone DecanterSqueegee, rubber gloves
22Corporate DroneID Card; Stapler
23Corporate GeomancerGeomancy tool
24CosmonautTattoos of Lennon and Putin over heart; Old space suit
25CounterfeiterFake Traveling papers or license
26CourierMysterious package
27Cyber Zen GuruRecurrent wired vizzy
28Data CourierCranium drive augment
29Data Security2 casettes
30DeforesterChainsaw
31DIY PharmacistVial of strange drugs
32Drug MuleBag of drugs
33Environmental ministry inspectorBreathing mask
34Experimental MoonshinerJar of high proof alcohol
35Feng Shui ConsultantFeng Shui compass
36Forklift Mech Construction WorkerHard hat
37Furry CultAnimal canine teeth implants (1d6 bite attack)
38Gene-ripper2 doses of CustomGenes(tm)
39Genetically-modified cat exterminatorHiku brand cat-trap, slightly stained
40Genetically-modified elephant handlerPain inducer remote and collar
41GunsmithWeapon repair kit
42Handsome Weeping Boy (Ikemeso Danshi)Fine silk suit
43Hemp FarmerBag of marijuana
44Hinterland SurrogateBag of drugs
45Hologram ArtistStereoconversion goggles
46Horse HistorianBag of horse bones
47HyperPolo PlayerPolo Motorcycle
48Implant repoDissection kit
49J-Pop star BodyguardEarplugs
50JailbreakerElectronics repair kit
51Jeffrey's Tube EngineerMechanics tool kit
52KGB Operative1 dose of poison with umbrella for delivery, tattoo of Lennon and Putin
53LocksmithLockpicks
54Lunar MinerLunar pickax
55MachinistTool kit
56Mafia Family MemberPasscard to a penthouse
57Mall SantaWine stained fake beard
58Merchant marineShipping Charts
59Meth cookBag of drugs
60Muay thai competitorGlass laced knuckle-wraps
61Nail salon slavePain inducer remote and collar
62Nuclear Physicist Slightly glowing rod
63Oil Rig WorkerHard hat
64Organ HarvesterDissection kit
65Organ IncubatorOne extra organ of your choice
66Orphan catcherHand cuffs
67PanzerboyIgnition key to a burnt-out tank somewhere
68ParamedicFirst aid kit
69Parkour CompetitorClimbing gloves
70Patent Classifier-1 will to live; 3 stolen patent data discs
71PimpLittle black book
72Pizza DeliveryShitty car
73PornographerHolodisk of Android pornography
74Professional ApologiserAuto-Tear-duct augment
75Prostitute (the oldest profession)Disease resistant patches
76Ramen Cook3 packs of expensive ramen
77Rastafarian Bag of weed
78Renraku prostituteStill installed "cutout switch"
79Rent-a-copSecurity uniform
80Rickshaw DriverRickshaw
81Ringleader for traveling Android CircusTop hat with PA system
82Rock StarElectronic instrument
83Salary manCorporate hand book (full of oaths, company songs, and standard practices)
84security consultantRemote motion sensor
85SimLife starSense-record unit
86SimLife star impersonatorFake sense-record unit
87Smack supplier for dolphinsHeroin kit (drug, lighter, spoon, needle)
88Solar balloon squatterElectronic repair kit
89SQUID recorderSQUID magnetometer
90Street surgeonBottle of high proof alcohol
91Student3 textbooks; crippling debt
92Surrogate mother to clone babiesThird breast augmentation
93TacoCopter SpecialistMini UAV
94Tong enforcerChinese cigarettes, length of chain
95Trade magnateMysterious package
96Transit system workerLifetime pass
97Visigoth gang memberFine Gothic clothing
98Yakuza enforcer-1 pinky finger; body tattoo; Fashionable clothes
99Yoga Instructor to the StarsDisc full of celebraty secrets
100Zef RapperFine Silk boxers, Zef Curse
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